I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
