oh god the rape fog is back!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
there was a trapeze. enough said
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
