Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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