watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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