Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
