Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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