Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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