I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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