Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize