HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just cropdusted the office
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
