the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
