I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
