She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
