If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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