i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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