The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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