i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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