Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
