Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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