why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
