can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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