kristin has been a bad kristin
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
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she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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