i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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