I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need a beard to bite.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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