i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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