I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
