what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
