I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
