youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You are a genius and a whore.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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