somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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