Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
