I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
