we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
