She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
