We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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