So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do herpes really smell.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
