if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
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