I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
