Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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