Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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