Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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