Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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