I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize