Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
