Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
