last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
