He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
