Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We had to coat check the pizza.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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