I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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