I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
