I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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