if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
