i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
