am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize