After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
