I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize