Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
