I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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