We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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