I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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