normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
