She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
There's even glitter on my cock...
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