my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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