There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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