question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
