I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
