this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
