Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize